[Music fades in, stormy rain and thunder SFX]

Stranded Motorist: Hello? Hello? Is anyone home? My car broke down and I need help.

(Door creaks open) Huh, the door's open. I guess it won't hurt to go inside. Hello? Is anyone home? I just need to make a phone call.

Priest: What on Earth?! You! Who let you in here?

Stranded Motorist: I let myself in. My car broke down and I damn well couldn't stay out there!

Priest: I see. Well, you shouldn't have come in. There are far more dangerous things in here than you'll ever find outside.

Stranded Motorist: Does it have something to do with the howling?

Priest: Yes... but perhaps it's best I show you.

[They approach the cage; eerie howling SFX]

Stranded Motorist: I don't get it. Why is this man locked up? I understand he may look the part, but—

Priest: I assure you, there is no man.

Stranded Motorist: What do you mean?

Priest: This is the shirt he was wearing when I found him. Inspect it. Look at the name written on the tag.

Stranded Motorist: Why... it says "Satan."

Priest: That's right. Satan. The Devil himself. El diablo... Asmodeus... Beelzebub...

Stranded Motorist: I-I get it.

Priest: Beit... Lucifer... Yeno Wang...

Stranded Motorist: All right, all right, I get it. He's the bad guy. But he looks harmless. How can you be so sure?

Priest: Because I put him in this prison exactly 8 years ago, to this day. Think about how society has flourished in that time.

Stranded Motorist: But there's been wars, murder, crime. It's hardly a utopia.

Priest: Those are man's failings. The Devil has no hand in that.

Stranded Motorist: Okay, so what about pestilence? Disease?

Priest: Another god is in charge of that. I think one of the Hindu ones.

Stranded Motorist: Then what does Satan do? What's changed, exactly?

Priest: For many years I asked that question myself. I combed the newspapers looking for evidence that his influence was gone... until at long last I discovered it. Satan, you see, is a harbinger of random automotive breakdowns. Car trouble!

Stranded Motorist: But my car just broke down 10 minutes ago!

Priest: Did it? Did you check the fuel gauge?

Stranded Motorist: No... I guess I didn't.

(Rain letting up SFX)

Priest: Come. (They go outside) See? Completely out of gas.

Stranded Motorist: What do you know? I guess you were right.

Priest: We keep some canisters in the basement. I'll have my squire, Brother Joseph, fill up your tank immediately. I suggest you spend the night, however—as it looks like there's another storm coming.

Stranded Motorist: I really appreciate everything you're doing.

Priest: No trouble at all. You may choose any bed and take whatever you need from the kitchen. I only ask that you do not let Satan out of his cage.

Stranded Motorist: Sure.

Priest: I want you to give me your word. Do not let him out.

Stranded Motorist: All right, all right. You have my word.

[Howling intensifies]

Stranded Motorist: Come on, friend. Let's get you out of here. Damn, they really did a number on you, didn't they? But don't worry... I'm here to help. I don't believe for a second that you're really...

Stranded Motorist: See? Now let's get you in my car.

Stranded Motorist: All right, full tank of gas. Everything looks good...

(Clicking SFX)
And... something's wrong. The car won't start! Why won't it start?! No... it can't be!

[Loud, ominous laughter SFX]